I started working at [a Brooklyn public middle school] this fall and it has been truly a whirlwind. I am there as an Art Instructor for the after school program and I regularly spend time with around 60 students, a mix of 6th, 7th, and 8th graders. Technically I was hired in September but all the paperwork to work with kids takes a very long time so I didn’t start until October. This lapse between hiring and working gave me a lot of time to second guess every life decision I had ever made and if I was at all suitable to “teach” anyone anything at all.

But then after a month of waiting my boss called me to tell me my fingerprints were a-okay and could I start work the very next day? So I went and it was so chaotic! I was nervous, unprepared, and I think I just naturally radiate “try hard substitute” energy that children can pick up on. There was an incredible amount of paint spilled that first day and I remembered like two names and I accidentally thought a fellow adult was a 7th grader.

Now I’ve been there for like 1.5 months and some days I want to quit and some days I have a nice time talking to sweet and funny kids. I took a few classes about education at college that really made me believe in the value of radical teaching and because I like art and kids, art teaching has been something that I’ve imagined for myself. I don’t have a teaching certificate so I am truly unqualified to be a full time public school teacher (by any measure) and working in a private school goes against my morals. Public schools still have their fair share of problems (see the photo) that I now feel somewhat complicit in. However, an after school program at least has a little more freedom than normal school.

I have so much appreciation now for teachers (good job mom) because it is so much work and so much time. I think its mostly hard because I am also working 23 hours a week at [large chain art supply store] and the afterschool program has been pretty badly understaffed. Recently a few more people have come on board which has helped a lot. But I might try to cut down hours at one of my two jobs and see if I can still be financially independent in one of America’s most expensive cities.

What I love about the teaching job is all of the kids’ big personalities and how dynamic it is. I’m also very lucky to really like my bosses and coworkers (at both jobs actually). I often feel lost but writing down my reflections on what has been going well and what I want to do better has helped a lot. I also have joined the Education Working Group at Interference Archive where we meet and discuss the project of political education. Everyone there is so cool and smart and wise and I get so inspired by attending those meetings.

The genocide occurring in Palestine right now has also meant that my attention and heart and energy and time are often very drained up. I feel angry and sad and like I don’t know how to do normal things or why I should be doing normal things instead of protesting (which is, in fact, a normal thing). I am trying to think up some lesson plans about Palestine so maybe that will help me feel like I am contibuting something good. In the mean time I am just trying my best and I hope that anyone reading this gives themselves and others grace. Much love.